My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I stole a fireplace last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
