you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize