As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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