i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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