oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
