Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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