Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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