Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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