Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
