It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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