my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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