literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
