im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
