Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
