you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
