i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
