Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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