I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
