kristin has been a bad kristin
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
