i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
