Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
