I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
