I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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