I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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