duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize