walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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