the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
