he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
