I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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