I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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