well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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