I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize