He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
