peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize