i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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