that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
