bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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