I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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