At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
