I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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