Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
