I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
