I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
