just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
