garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
