Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
