i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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