I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't deserve a penis
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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