I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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