So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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