I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
