Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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