Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
