Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
