When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
