she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
