Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
