her vagine was all disorganized.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize