Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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