I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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