who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
