apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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